What in the world is going on?
I may gush about them too much, but The Weepies knew 2020 was going to happen when they wrote their 2006 smash album “Say, I Am You”. You’ll feel a whirlwind of emotions processing through the album, but the song that has played on repeat for me since February 16th 2020 is called ‘Not Your Year’.
“Every day, it starts again… and you cannot say it – if you’re happy. You keep trying to be…try harder. Maybe, maybe, this is not your year”
If that line alone doesn’t knock you on your behind, listen to the whole thing and tell me it isn’t a lesson about life in 2020. However, I must admit that I’ve been entranced by the song for many years now, long before 2020 sprang from the grave and wrapped its’ cold hands around the world.
So… alright then. This isn’t your year. Pack it up, call it a day, and start fresh on January 1st 2021.
I wish it was that simple, I really do. I wish I could pack everything up and hibernate for the next two months and start fresh with no past and no expectations. Some people try to do this, they sell their belongings and pack up their lives to move on to the next unknown place…or hit the road and vow to never live in one place ever again. The problem is, the moment you lock the door and walk away you start developing a new past. You can never outrun the past because it’s already happened, and what has happened will repeat itself without proper management.
I could sell my belongings and move to Spain (forget about COVID for a moment). I could leave every responsibility I had behind and search for a new purpose. It wouldn’t fulfill the need I have to start fresh… starting fresh is a myth and a conspiracy on par with election fraud.
The need to start fresh, in my opinion, is coupled with the denial to process what has happened. No, I don’t mean substantial trauma (although that can definitely be part of it) but rather the need to just ‘move on.’
I’m late to the game, but I’ve realized over the past 10 months that you can’t move on without acceptance. Abandoning your responsibilities and yachting off to a new destination seems lovely, but if you don’t process what you’ve left behind… it will follow you everywhere.
No, sadly I’m not yachting off to Spain tomorrow (although if you offered…) but I will keep working on processing 2020. Although it may be ‘not my year’, it’s not something to run from. It’s something to march through.
Until next time…
Hugs,
Emily
Emily Schneider 